Hi there,
I know it’s been a while since you heard from me. When I started this newsletter, I wanted to be able to share advice about men’s self-care and include stories both from myself and others.
Whether you subscribed to get these tips or to hear something more personal, I hope that this latest piece of news gives you just that.
A few weeks ago, I proposed to my partner after just six months. It was a special moment, and I took her to Kew Gardens here in London to bend the knee and tell her how much she meant to me.
The first question you might be wondering is, why after six months, and how did I even know she was the one? I’ll try and break that down into three points:
Our relationship style
Our shared values and beliefs
How she is as a person
1. Our Relationship Style
When we first met, we quickly realised we were the same in so many ways. We both loved history; we’re driven individuals and had a high bar for any person we planned to date. But it was more than just those superficial points, we also connected on a deeper level, and we did so very quickly.
One of the first things I noticed about our relationship was how we would talk about anything and everything. We did that every day, except for only one in the entire six-month relationship.
Yes, you read that right. Our morning starts with messaging each other, and it ends with messaging each other. I really believe it’s important to connect with a person before you decide to take the next step. It may take months to realise that or even years, but if it doesn’t come about naturally, you know that perhaps your relationship needs more work or worse, that they may not be the right person for you.
2. Our Shared Values and Beliefs
Both my partner and I come from the same religious and cultural backgrounds. Now that’s not to say that a long term relationship is doomed to failure if you don’t share the same, but I’ll tell you a story.
I have a friend who’s Lithuanian. She comes from a background where family, marriage, and children are a key part of life. She would like to get married one day and have a family of her own, but her English boyfriend comes from a very different culture where he’d prefer to wait before committing. Both have been dating for a while and are very happy, and I have no doubt that they’ll marry someday, but my point is that it’s important to have those discussions.
There’s no point aspiring to be with someone forever if they have no intention of doing the same. Similarly, if you’re looking to date for a while but not commit, voice that concern to any potential partner.
Communication can make or break a relationship, but it’s arguably one of the most important aspects of a good one.
3. How she is as a person
The final point I wanted to talk about was my partner’s character. Committing to any relationship requires both parties to be secure in themselves and emotionally mature. The journey won’t always be rosy, and you’ll inevitably face difficult moments that will require you to solve together.
I knew my partner was ready for marriage. She already went through that growth and development, the type that challenges you as a person. Whenever we have moments of disagreement, our method is to always talk it out and move on. It’s so important to ensure that you both have the same conflict resolution method or that you at least understand each other’s methods.
Because when you do have those difficult moments, you want to find ways of overcoming them, not brushing them under the carper and letting them fester.
They can be the most beautiful person with the sweetest personality, but if you can’t get along with them at their worst, how do you expect to get along when they’re at their best?
I’ll leave you with this article about my experience and why I chose to propose after such a short time. If you enjoy reading it, do let me know by sending me a response or leaving a comment, and I’ll be sure to get back to you :)
Article link here